For a Bad Day, When You Can’t See the Light

For a Bad Day, When You Can’t See the Light

This is a transcription from our podcast episode on The Real Life Show: Living with a Chronic Illness.

Cassie:  Welcome to “The Real Life Show: Living with a Chronic Illness.” We are your hosts, Cassie and Chelsea. I’m Cassie, a single mom living with a chronic illness who is extremely passionate about living a full and happy life.

Chelsea:  And I’m Chelsea, a mindset coach that has a passion for helping people learn to put themselves first and be the best version of themselves each and every day.

Cassie:  We came together to create Spoonies Unite, an uplifting community that offers resources guidance and support so you can live your best life while giving you the space to be yourself, be heard, and feel understood. We hope that by providing education from experts, we help spoonies and their loved ones thrive.

Chelsea:  This show is not only for those who live with a chronic illness, but their friends, family, spouses, and just anyone else existing on the Earth. Our goal is to normalizing having a chronic illness by sharing the real stories with real people and show the world how relatable those everyday struggles can be. There’s a little something in here for everyone.

Cassie:  And, of course, thank you to our patrons for your continued support making this possible. If you love our show and want to get some extra goodies, go to patreon.com/therealspooniesunite. Enjoy the show.

Chelsea:  Hello, everyone and welcome to today’s episode of “The Real Life Show: Living with a Chronic Illness.” So, this episode is a little bit different than our typical episodes. Cassie and I have talked a lot about how we can help support spoonies when they are not feeling their best because kind of one of the unfortunate realities of having a chronic illness is life is kind of a roller coaster. Sometimes you’ve got really, really great days where you feel awesome and there’s some days where shit’s bad, it’s just not good. You’re really down. You’re in a very dark scary place.

And so, this episode is meant to be something that when you’re having one of those moments, one of those days where you’re like “Fuck this, I don’t know how I can keep going, I don’t know how I can keep living with this,” we want you to be able to come listen to this episode and get just a little bit of support. So, Cassie has experienced this exact thing. And so, she has some words she’d like to share with all of you.

Cassie:  Hi, everybody. So, I have definitely had moments where I have just had a really hard time seeing the light and just totally stuck in a deep dark hole. Just several weeks ago, I had one of those really rough days and it was just like I was in bed, and I just was laying there, and I was in so much pain, and I was lightheaded, and literally my skin hurt even. And I was nauseous. I hadn’t been eating very much. And, I just had a moment feeling like “How am I going to live the rest of my life like this with this illness or with these ups and downs?” And it can just be really hard. So, I have been there countless times. I really don’t think I could count how many times. And, in those moments, it truly is just how do I get through the next minute, how do I get through the next 10 minutes.

For me, I am a single mom. And so, I have a son. He’s 11 right now and he’s the biggest reason that gets me out of those moments because I just cannot stay there, I have to pull myself out somehow. So, one day when I was reaching out to Chelsea and texting her and having that tough time, she asked me what do I need in those moments to get out of it so that we could find tools for all of you to help you get out of those moments.

One of the first things that I said to her was “When I’m in that much pain and feeling that hopeless and depressed, I can’t even read, I can’t talk to anybody, I can’t even have my screen open to like watch Netflix.” The most I could possibly do would maybe be turn on music on my phone, and even sometimes that feels too much effort, and impossible. But music can be a really great escape. And, I definitely have had a lot of times where I just lay there with my eyes closed listening to my favorite jams and that will help find some strength to keep going.

So, there is a playlist on Spotify that we created called “Spoonie Chill Time” and you can find that. And, I would say it’s just a mixture of some nice chill music that’s going to make you feel good, hopefully, and just help you get through that time.

The other thing is I was at my GI’s office and I was just fighting back tears of hopelessness and feeling like I wanted to give up and I was just completely exhausted from fighting all the time. I was experiencing a lot of sadness. I was on my own and I was just like, “No one’s going to fucking help me, what am I doing here?” And, I felt weak, I didn’t really even know how to walk in there and sit through the appointment. I was just feeling completely hopeless. And even though I wasn’t curled up in bed and pain, I was in that mentality.

And so, what I realized that I wanted to hear in that moment is what I’m going to say to all of you right now. It’s a little bit of an affirmation thing because sometimes you don’t have the strength or the patience to even call your friend or your loved one to give you a pep talk and you almost have to tell yourself this pep talk. And that’s what I needed to do when I was in the doctor’s office.

So, first of all, it fucking sucks and we understand that. And sometimes it sucks and what you have to get through is not fair and it’s awful. And this moment is one of those moments, but takes strength from it, gain strengths from it, you can keep going, you will keep going. It is inevitable that you’re going to keep going and you can remember that anything else that you have to face in your life, you know that you’ve gotten through worse and harder stuff. And so, you’re going to get through this because maybe this moment wasn’t as bad as the last. 

Keep going. You can do it. You are loved. You are loved by everyone in your life, and by people that you don’t even know yet, and by the universe or God, or whatever your belief system is, you are loved. And, you are loved for exactly who you are in this moment, not who you think you need to be, not who you were when you were having all the fun, and everything, and could do all the things, who you are right now in this moment. You are loved for exactly who you are in this moment. You are appreciated. You are whole. You are incredible. You are so strong, and you are so brave. You are an inspiration. You are fighting with everything you have. We get it. We understand. You are fighting with everything you have every day and you’re tired. Of course, you’re tired. It’s a lot of effort to fight with everything you have when you’re using every part of who you are to get through. We get it. It’s tiring. You’re exhausted. Everyone deserves a break. You deserve a break. You deserve a break. You’re overcoming obstacles every moment of your life. Every moment, you’re overcoming. You have to fight more than maybe everybody in the world. You’re overcoming obstacles every moment of your life. You are a warrior. You are persevering. You need a moment to rejuvenate to be cared for and to be loved. We all do and that’s okay. You are cared for. You are loved. You are seen and you are heard. 

Even if you’re alone in this very moment and don’t know how to reach out, or don’t want to reach out to anyone else, or the universe, or God, whatever you believe in, it feels you, it hears you, and it knows you, and is sending you the energy you need to keep going even if it’s for five more minutes, and then you call on the universe, or God, or yourself, or your higher power. Whatever it is, call on it again. It will give you the energy you need to keep going. Trust that it will come. Trust that it is on your way, on its way. Relax, rest, give yourself a break. Rest and feel the energy soaking into your muscles into your bones, into your blood. It is there and you can keep going. And you will keep going. And tomorrow is a new day. Tonight is a new night. This afternoon is a new afternoon. You can do it. You are loved. You are strong. Keep going. And we’re here for you. Reach out to us anytime. Reach out to your community. You don’t have to wallow forever, but you can for right now because you deserve a break.

We hope you enjoyed today’s episode. Please write us a review to help us reach more people like you.

Chelsea:  If you’d like to connect with Cassie and I, you can find us on Instagram, @therealspooniesunite. You can also join our private Facebook community, Spoonies Unite, or you can visit our website, therealspooniesunite.com for all sorts of resources and to stay up-to-date with our current projects. And don’t worry, you can find all these links in the show notes below.

Cassie:  Thank you to our wonderful Spoonie patrons for all your support. And you can become one too. That’s right. All you have to do is go on over to patreon.com/therealspooniesunite, and you can get all sorts of extra goodies like videos of our episodes and more.
Chelsea:  Any support is greatly appreciated. It helps enable us to create more content for all of you as well as make this podcast sound better and better. Thanks for listening. We can’t wait to be back in your ears soon.